he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
