I molested 6 butterflies tonight
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize
