is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
Randomize
