i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
Randomize
