Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
Randomize