it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
