When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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