they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
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