Dual....:-)
Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Randomize
