I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Randomize
