I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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