i wish there were pregnant emoticons
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Randomize