my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
I don't deserve a penis
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Randomize