going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
