In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
She even gives head with a lisp.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
