I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
Randomize