Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
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