After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
Randomize
