So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
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