She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
