No, you can still breathe under the balls.
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
Randomize
