So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
My sheets look like a crime scene.
I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
