guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
