apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
There r osticjed everywhere
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
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