my soul wont recognize me after tonight
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
