True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
