just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
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