dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
