Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
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