The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
We have started to decorate penises.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
Randomize
