whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
