Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
You are the jesus of drinking
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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