...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Randomize
