I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
