Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
