Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
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