Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
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