just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
Randomize