Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
