Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
Randomize
