So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
