Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
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I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
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