physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
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