i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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