watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Randomize
