Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
Randomize
