I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
Randomize
