You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Randomize
