My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
soo... how was my night?
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
