We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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