i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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