he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
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