Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
Only a mothe r could love this liver
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize