if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
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