I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
