So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Randomize
