ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
Randomize
