how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
