Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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