I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
I want you more than these girls want KFC
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
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