that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
Randomize
