I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
Randomize
