I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
