At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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